


Come just as you are to me, don’t need apologies.

by notsoperfect



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 3rd post, AU, Alcoholic Zayn, Angst, But they are all famous anyway, Credits to Ashiquie 2, I don't really have anything to tag, Inspired by Ashique 2, Kind of proud of this one, Lots of Angst, Lots of Crying, Loving boyfriends, M/M, Mental break downs, Might be triggering but i don't think so, My longest work so far, Not completely mine, Other 4 in a band, Perfect Niall, Solo Singer Zayn, Tragic Love Story, With Love by Cristina Grimmie, bad past, lots of pain, so no excuse for sucking, sweet niall, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:25:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1409878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsoperfect/pseuds/notsoperfect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is so much like that bottle, Zayn thinks, one fall and that’s all it takes for him to shatter, it is Niall, Niall that is keeping him together making sure there is a firm grip, making sure there is always a sponge bed for him to fall on. But that’s not fair because there is only so much time Niall can hold on to him, he has to let him go …</p><p>Or </p><p>The one in which Zayn is an alcohol addict digging his own grave, He keeps on falling and falling and no matter how many times Zayn gives up, Niall never does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come just as you are to me, don’t need apologies.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired and based on a Bollywood movie called ‘Ashiquie 2’, it’s a phenomenal romance story, well let’s just say, it’s like the titanic of India. I have in fact taken the slight theme of it, but all the rest of the story is mine and the mistake and horrible storyline is mine and my fault only.
> 
> Title from the song unconditionally by Katy Perry, the song goes so well with the story in my opinion.
> 
> As I have said before, One direction won’t be One direction if all 5 of them aren’t in it, so the name of my band here is Destination (I know, I know. It’s lame)
> 
> The song used here is ‘With Love’ my Christina Grimmie which had completely pushed me to write this, and I think it’s one of the greatest songs I have ever heard. So, credits to that. I don’t really know much about alcohol addiction and what not so I have took a bit of artistic rights, I am sorry if I got things wrong. Also this is my first time writing serious angst and I really had a hard time completing it so sorry if it sucks. 
> 
> (I am not even gonna apologize for the huge authors note, I tried…)

“NO-NO-NO, ITS NOT OKAY NIALL” the dark haired boy screams as he shatters down all the items placed on the small table. There is a lot of breaking China and the ‘thumb’ sound the thick paged books produce. But what is worse is the silence and the pain it follows, it brings hollowness it bring hopelessness.

 

Zayn knows this well, this is all he knows and he is sure this is all he ever will, no matter what the Blonde boy in front of him says. Darkness, he is gone for good, there is no turning back.

 

“Baby, please. Z. It’s is okay, I swear it was nothing-“Zayn hears the crack in his voice, he feels the pain and it hurts him more to know he is the reason. Niall is almost in tears, he knows this too, but he still pushes because Niall does not belong here. It is not okay.

 

“NIALL, I ABUSED YOU. THAT IS NOT OKAY” it’s a shrilling scream which has the whole house shattering. But Niall just takes a second of silence, he breaths in the air before letting it go shakily.

 

“It was just a hard grip Zayn, you held my wrist a bit too tight. There is nothing wrong with that, it was just a mistake. Babe you are improving so much, please-please don’t let this take you down, just a mistake. Please Zayn” the boy begs him as the threatening tear leaves his eyes.

 

“No Niall, NO. You want to know what is a mistake?, the mistake is you still standing here with me, the mistake is you being in love with a fucking alcoholic, the mistake is your trying so hard when I am fucking useless and you should leave. JUST LEAVE, Please Niall leave” The tears cascade across his face without his permission, he is really trying to hold it in. but it is hard, because why can’t Niall just leave for god sake?. He is nothing more than an alcoholic psycho who has no control, Niall should just leave.

 

Zayn falls to the ground but Niall is right there to pick him back up. He doesn’t say anything just lets Zayn cry in his shoulder his own tears mixing with dark boy’s, Zayn is tired, he is wasted, there are marks and scars on his face from the past night, he is broken, beat, but still there is Niall who just holds him and cries with him, never says a word no matter how much he messes up, just lets him cry.

 

“You should leave, Niall. Please leave baby” he begs the other boy, not being able to look into the wide blue eyes. It held so much once, it was everything to Zayn once, he was sure there was nothing more beautiful that Niall big blue eyes and illuminant light it always had which was made for the boy. But now it’s all gone, all Zayn can see in there is unshed tears and broken pieces of the boy. And it’s his fault, it’s always his fault.

 

“I can’t, I love you. I can’t-Listen to me Zayn, I am not leaving, no matter what happens I won’t leave, you can kick me, yell at me, even hurt me but I am not leaving. I can’t leave, we are going to get through this, we are. I promise you. I love you Zayn, I am not leaving” the boy repeats over and over again between shaky sobs and broken breaths. They stay like that in the tiled floor for hours, there are broken bits of glass and papers flying around everywhere, but Niall just stays there, holds the older boy who is shaking in his arms until he falls asleep.

 

He doesn’t leave, never will…..

 

.............

 

Cause when I'm down and I'm done,  
And I'm coming unplugged  
When I'm ready to fall  
You're the one always holding me up  
With love

 

............

 

Zayn hadn’t always been like this. He didn’t even drink in the beginning, if anything he hated alcohol. He was so different then, somewhere in his faint memory he can remember a 16 year old boy playing guitar in his cousins weddings, he get flashes of the smart and vibrant boy who would sing his own written songs to whoever would listen, no matter if the person was deaf or a beat hobo in the streets, remembers his own cheeky looks and awkward phases. But they are all a distant memory, lost pieces of his soul and mind which he is dying to find back but never gets.

 

When his therapists and doctors ask him where he went wrong or when did he start, his answer is always he don’t know, he doesn’t remember. All he remembers is what he is now, bringing his own death by immense amount of drinking alcohol and consuming drugs, bringing pain and darkness to everyone around him, make his Niall cry, bringing the innocent boy nothing but hurt and misery. He never made anyone happy, his family is ashamed of him, his friends call him crazy, his fans are disappointed in him, disgusted by him. He is hopeless, useless, worthless… 

 

But the thing is Niall doesn’t believe him, Niall never believes him, never believes what anyone says. He says he sees the same boy that he met 4 years ago, the same funny, geeky, self conceited boy with a passion for music who couldn’t flirt for shit, he still believes Zayn is the same guy who had seen the 16 year old Irish boy perform a horrendous cover of some lame Justin Bieber song in X factor and fell in love with him.

 

He refuses to believe Zayn has changed. He tells him the stories of how they met, because he can’t find it in his own memory, it’s a dark hazy place, his brain and he can’t find the moment he laid eyes on his Niall, he fell in love with the Irish ball of sunshine, and somehow that hurts him more than the fact he is an uncontrollable alcohol addict digging his own grave.

 

But Niall tells him, tells him how Zayn was a small town boy from Bradford who made it big in just a few years, tells him how Zayn was one of the youngest judges in X factor, tells him how Zayn quickly said yes to the small nervous Irish boy who auditioned and fought so hard to let him in through no matter what Simon said.

 

Niall was so young then, just turned 16 while Zayn was just months away from turning 20, but that didn’t stop him from falling head over heels for the blonde loud boy with an uncommon obsession over Justin Bieber and food. Zayn can still remember the time he saw all the contestant gather around somewhere outside boot camp and listen to the boy sing with his old guitar, Niall says that is the moment he fell in love with him, but Zayn’s not sure, Zayn thinks Niall was never meant to be his, Niall is too perfect to be his.

 

Zayn was the one who stood up and held his word for Niall when Simon said the blonde had to go, he fought so hard for Niall that Zayn thinks that’s the first time in his life when he wanted something so desperately, he finally got him to stay even though he was put into a band with other 3 boys. He was more than happy when he got the chance to mentor the groups that season. They had hit it off quite quickly, of cores they had to keep it a secret, but it was hard, Zayn was so much in love with the younger boy.

 

Niall’s band didn’t win, Zayn was outraged and almost decided to sue X factor, but Niall coaxed him out of his irrational decision and made him settle for creating his own record label and signing them. They made it big too, bigger than Zayn ever would have been. They took the world by storm and Zayn remembers being so proud, so proud of his blonde sunshine, so proud of his band. They even came out after 2 years, Zayn couldn’t take it anymore, Niall was his and he was sick of lying about it. Things were great, they had it all, they had everything...

 

Zayn asks Niall to tell their story every time he feels like giving up, he feels like just ending it and sparing everyone the pain. He wants Niall to tell it, because it is their story and he like the sound of that, theirs, it’s his favorite word, theirs. So Niall just gives him a big smile and tells it to him over and over again, he never gets tired of it, he never will and Zayn wonders how he does it, wondering how he smiles when all Zayn do is tears him down.

 

.......................

You called me out and taught me tough  
With love, with love.  
You fought my flaws, my teeth, my claws  
With love, with love.

 

...............................

 

 

Zayn still don’t remember where he went wrong, when everything started falling down, and honestly he don’t want to, because it hurts him even more. 

 

But he remembers the first time something major happened, he thinks it was the press, maybe his parents who was not allowing him to visit his sick sister because he was an abomination to them, maybe it was not having Niall there with him, Maybe the fact Niall was so far away in another continent with his band mates, better people, way better people than him, but somehow he remembers his friends taking him out to drink and the next morning he woke up things had gone to hell.

 

He had punched a few paparazzi that night had caused a huge scene in the bar and even made out with some blonde girl, the press was having a huge field day over his fall. He was so scared, he remembers shaking because Niall was not picking his calls up, he remembers being afraid and screaming because something told him Niall was going to leave him. 

 

But he didn’t, he stuck around. Of course Niall was not the one to be a push over, Niall even yelled at him a bit, but he stuck around. He was always there.

 

He thought it was a onetime thing, he even promised himself he would not even go near alcohol if it does crazy things to him, but things started to get harder and he started to be pushed harder and he finally lost it and somehow fell down a spiral of coldness and pain. He can’t go without drinking, he went mad.

 

It came in small steps, his parents, his management, the fame, the lime light, jealousy, slowly-slowly things started too burn and it seemed that it would never end, slowly-slowly he fell down deeper and deeper and he knows he can’t get back up, he is gone, useless, the one thing waiting for him is death. But Niall still refuses to leave.

 

He went into rehab, he was locked in somewhere for his ‘help’ but that just drove him more to the edge, Niall was getting big and Zayn’s fame died down, soon Zayn become that some ex- famous guy who was dating Irelands sweetheart. Zayn was so sure Niall was going to leave him too, like everyone else did, his parents, his friends, his fans but Niall never left, he fights through what Zayn is, he sticks around when Zayn can even kill him and he don’t think he can hurt the blonde boy anymore.

...........

 

When I'm down, when I'm coming unplugged. no. (Ohh)  
You're always there with love (Love)  
When I'm done, love  
When I'm out, when I fall  
You're always always always always there

 

........

 

“I figured it out.  
I figured it out from black and white.  
Seconds and hours.  
Maybe they had to take some time.

I know how it goes.  
I know how it goes from wrong and right…….”

 

Zayn thinks Niall’s Voice is the greatest thing he had ever heard, its perfect, its different, he can listen to Niall sing for ages and ages and he thinks he would be happy, he wished he would be happy with just Niall’s voice. It is mixes wonderfully with the other boys, Liam easily picking up from where Niall left of and carrying his own verse beautifully, but it is still not as perfect as Niall’s, not to Zayn.

 

Liam’s eyes are fixed on Niall but Niall only looks at Zayn when he sings, like these words are for Zayn, he knows those words are for him, but it’s so hard because Liam is looking at Niall the way Zayn should be able to, so pure and full of adoration. Zayn looks at Niall like that too, but it’s no more pure, it no more holds the light it used to.

 

The blonde boy waves towards Zayn who gives him his best smile, and Niall’s face almost splits with a huge grin and Zayn wave back. Niall is happy, he is always so happy and Zayn know it’s not true, how could someone be that happy when they are with him.

 

They are in London, both didn’t want to leave their apartment but they had no choice but to. Just as Zayn fell, Niall’s band rose. They were starting the recording of their 3rd album and Zayn was so proud, he wanted to be there for his Niall, he wanted to hear his Niall sing to him. And there is also the rest of the band, Niall tells him the band does not hate him but Zayn knows he is lying. They don’t like Zayn keeping Niall so far away all the time, they don’t like Niall ditching shows because Zayn is in the hospital again, they don’t want to see Niall cry because of Zayn.

 

Zayn really wishes Niall would just leave him, he can’t do it, he is not worth it. But at the same time he prays he won’t, because he is not sure if he can keep on going with his dreaded life without Niall, without Niall there is no reason for him to live.

 

Zayn’s hands are shaking and his mind is churning, he feels the small flask of alcohol which he has kept in his pockets, he knows he shouldn’t, he promised Niall. But the weight is killing him, he can’t even get a grip.

 

“You okay mate?” asks Harry whose eyes were on the 2 boys in the recording booth but turned to Zayn watching his hands shake uncontrollable.

 

“Yeah-Yeah, fine, I am just gonna go take a piss, yeah?” Zayn lies before he leaves the small recording room and goes into the bathroom stalls.

 

He quickly walks towards the sink and splashes water to his face, he can’t, he can’t let his dark side talk over, he can fight this. He has been fighting this for the past weeks, 2 whole weeks without drinking and his whole body is aching, he hands are still shaking and he wants to drink so badly. He wants to curse his therapist who said it was a great idea for him to carry around a bit of alcohol so he can learn to fight the temptation, he thinks it’s dumb because he can’t, he can’t fight the fucking temptation he needs to drink.

 

Tears start pouring out and it mixes with the water and his eyes are blood shot, he screams at his reflection and he wants to punch the mirror because he hates himself so much. He knows he can’t do this, he knows he will give in to his temptation. He tries, he really does.

 

But he does end up losing and finishes up the cold liquid from the flask and that’s when his hands stop shaking. But the guilt is eating him inside out.

 

“Babe, Are you in here?” he hears his angels voice and he quickly hides the flask.

 

“Yeah-Yeah, hear. Umm just came to take a piss” Zayn says and he tries to pull off a smile as he quickly dries up his face.

 

“Zee, are you crying. Oh my god, babe are you okay” Niall is quickly at his side and Zayn hears the worry in his voice, he wonders how the boy can still worry so much for him, he is gone when is Niall going to understand that.

 

Zayn his lied to Niall so many times, and most of the time Niall knows when Zayn was out drinking. But the thing is the boy won’t let him get away with it, he always finds the truth and pulls him through just for Zayn to go back again and disappoint him, its painful, its sick because Niall knows better, Niall deserves better.

 

“I am fine, Love” he lies again and it breaks his heart as he sees Niall’s face, realization. Zayn knows that Niall knows. 

 

“Zayn, No-Babe-Its-Give me the flask” he says as he reaches out for Zayn pocket to retrieve the flask. But Zayn quickly pushes him away, with more force that necessary and the small boy almost falls but regains his stance.

 

“Its-It’s not okay Niall-I-I couldn’t- I can’t do this Baby. Please” he begs as he eyes fill again and Niall’s blue eyes are filled too.

 

“No-NO, it’s okay. Listen to me, its fine, you were fighting it so good babe, the temptation thing is stupid anyway. It’s not your fault. We can do this, 2 weeks Zayn, you made it 2 whole weeks” the blue eyed boy tries as he wipes out the fallen tears and makes Zayn face him.

 

“2 weeks is not good enough, IT WON’T BE ENOUGH. I can’t Ni, I keep lying to you, this is not okay, I keep hurting you baby”

 

“Zee, please, Look at me, Yeah, Come on. Look at me. You see this ring, this is the promise I am not leaving you, the whole world can hurt you, and I won’t leave you. We will get through this I promise.” Niall says as he points the small silver engagement ring Zayn had given him months ago. Maybe even years ago, when things weren’t this shit and Zayn actually saw a bright and happy future with Niall. The ring just fills him with more guilt because he could not keep his promise; Zayn was the one who decided to call of the wedding because he was going off the rails. He couldn’t give Niall what the boy wanted; he had always disappointed the boy.

 

“I love you, I love you so much, I am sorry-I am so sorry, Niall” and once again Zayn breaks down in Niall’s arms, something that has been happing more and more lately. Niall just holds him as he wipes away the black haired boy’s tears.

.............

 

Your tongue won't tie, you'll always find  
The truth yeah you do  
But still you smile despite the lines  
I drew for you

Cause every time I'm slipping away from myself,  
You're the one that moves me like nobody else

 

.........................

 

Niall is beaming; he is laughing again, his loud beautiful laugh which Zayn hadn’t heard in ages. He is happy, this time truly and genuinely happy and the boy laughs louder and harder than necessary to one of Louis jokes. Zayn thinks it is the happiest he had seen the boy is years. He laughs and jokes and that warms Zayn’s heart and gives him reassurance, he is right there, this loud laughing boy is right there and not leaving no matter what.

 

They are on their way to the Brit Awards, Niall’s band is nominated for more than 4 awards and the boys are ecstatic in getting the opportunity. Zayn himself remembers his first time at the Britt and how happy he was, he was out of this world, it was one of the first awards he won, the first in hundreds.

 

But the thing is Niall is not beaming due to the Awards or nominations, he smiling and laughing because of Zayn. 4 months, Zayn had officially been sober for 4 whole months and nobody not even Zayn himself is as happy as Niall who is bouncing around due to his happiness. Nobody has seen Niall happy for so long and it kills Zayn to know he was the reason.

 

Zayn was the one who asked whether Niall would take him to the show, Niall himself was not planning on going because he wanted to be with Zayn. Zayn knew he can’t keep the boy from these things, he also knew Niall won’t leave unless Zayn too is by his side, going with him. So it was his way of forcing the blonde boy to go, Harry, Louis and Liam had also been so happy when they found out because Niall had been missing out on everything since Zayn fell down and this was their great big appearance after so long. So everything was filled with a mood of happiness and joy.

 

Louis was riding along with them and saying some dumb story about his cousins and what they did on their small hiatus of 4 months, which once again was issued by Niall always running to Zayn to a point where he was this close to quitting the band. Niall is laughing and smiling at Louis’s silly story but Zayn eyes are fixed on the blonde boy who looks absolutely wonderful, he is not listening to a word Louis says he just love to see his Niall smile.

 

They do arrive at the show and everything is a buzz, Niall refuse to take pictures or talk to the interviewers because Zayn is by his side and he don’t want to expose his boy friend to any of that. But then again everybody’s eyes seemed to be fixed on the couple and Zayn suddenly feels a bit self conscious. He is a 24 year old man with a huge record for getting in fights and drunk driving, dating the world’s most famous little innocent angel. He bites his lip and stay quite as Niall tries to make way through the huge crowd of celebrities.

 

 

Zayn don’t talk much anymore, he don’t talk at all. If he does talk, it’s to Niall, only to Niall, no one but Niall has heard him talk in months, its painful to the people around him to see that geeky, funny boy who would jump and explain the whole marvel comic if he got the chance being so quiet and silent. Zayn did not always talk I the beginning either, he was quite, reserved and mysterious; it went so well with the bad boy reputation the management wanted to build around him. But he was loud around people who knew him, around Niall who would break down all his wall but now it’s like he went mute, you won’t get a word out of the dark haired boy unless you are Niall.

 

He has changed, changed a lot but Nail is still laughing and smiling so he supposes its okay. At least Niall is happy with him, and honestly that’s all Zayn needs sometimes, to make Niall happy, to keep him satisfied and complete.

 

Niall is soon dragged by some of his management members to go and meet with a few singers who they are collaborating with in their next Album, Niall refuses of course, but after a few kiss’s and some quite persuasion from the dark haired boy he leaves with a small pout on his face, His blue eyes still lingering on Zayn until he is out of sight.

 

He enjoys Niall always being by his side, he thinks that’s the one thing keeping him sane, he is the one thing helping him fighting but he knows he is turning into a weight to the younger boy’s shoulders, he is barley 20 and already has to suffer Zayn, he practically lives for Zayn now, he won’t leave the boy alone for even a second, he feeds him, baths him, shaves him, he does everything Zayn lost the will to do. He is the reason Zayn is alive, Zayn can’t live without the boy by his side, but at the same time he knows he should give Niall his own time because Zayn is not the only one in Niall’s life. Niall hadn’t seen any of his friends or family including his own mum and dad in months, he doesn’t even have the time to talk to them on the phone because he is too busy making sure Zayn’s okay. He can’t keep the boy from living his dream and shattering him down, he knows this, but he wonders what he would do without him. There is only so much a person can take before they leave too, Zayn is waiting for that point in Niall’s life where he realizes there are better thing the world has to offer for him.

 

“OMG, is that Zayn Malik?” he hears someone speak from behind him, a few female voices he thinks, he don’t turn around and look, his eyes are on the stage but his ears are with the people who are bickering around.

 

“Who, Now?” another voice ask.

 

“He used to be like huge, my sister used to be in love with him, he was even a judge on the X factor, you know.”

 

Used to …he hears, it’s always used to, he wonders if he would hear he used to date Niall Horan. He don’t want to, he hates the used to, but it’s all he ever hears these days.

 

“Oh, Yeah, I remembers him from few of those old X factor footages from Harry Styles’s band, Destination right?. I love them. They are so hot” at that he smiles, he likes that memory the fact he put together Destination. The fact he is the reason his boy friend is living his dream, he is happy to know he made 4 boys dream come true.

 

“Yeah, too bad though. I heard he is an alcoholic, he even tried to suicide, GOSH, Talk about fame gone wrong. Oh and he dates Niall, you know that he is the reason Destination cancelled 4 shows in London last year, apparently he had some dumb seizure or something and Niall refused to perform. So lame right, I mean what kind of boy friend is he?, he won’t even let Niall live his dream, I think he is the worst boy friend in the world”

 

Zayn heart sinks for a second as he tries to regain his breath.

 

“Yeah, I mean I think they have been together for like 3 years, I say its time Niall dumps the loser and go for someone his own level, because he deserves better. Did you know Luke Hemmings asked out Niall, they’d be so hot right?. Damn, so sad Niall stuck with an alcoholic moron” The first girl finishes up with a very high pitched giggle,

Zayn stands up to and leave before they can continue their banter. He has heard enough, he can’t hear anymore.

 

He hears the words repeat over and over again in his head.

worst boy friend in the world

 

what kind of boy friend is he?, he won’t even let Niall live his dream

 

its time Niall dumps the loser and go for someone his own level

 

he deserves better

 

Niall deserves better..

 

Niall deserves so much better.

 

They are telling the truth, he knows, he knows it so well. Niall does deserve better.

 

What is he doing with him anyway?. Niall has everything he ever wanted in the world. He is the small town boy from Mullingar who wanted to make it big. He has fans, friends, a loving family, there are people looking up to him, he is the icon of everybody all across the world, he had broken world records, sold out huge arenas in mere minutes, won every award capable, he is 100% talent which the whole world wants. He is perfect…

 

He is perfect and Zayn is nothing but and an Alcohol addict. The girls are right because Zayn can’t be what Niall needs, Zayn can never give him all. Niall deserves someone better, Niall deserves someone who would take care him not whom he would have to take care of, he deserves someone who won’t lash out on him every night because he can’t drink, he deserves someone who would keep him safe, give him love , give him everything and Zayn don’t have everything. All he has is his drunken, insane self and that never will be good enough.

 

Zayn hates what he is and he knows Niall knows it better than anybody else, Niall knows all his faults and marks , he knows his dark side but the boy still sticks around even if he puts him through hell and that’s not fair, it’s never fair.

 

So that’s how he find himself, he has somehow got out of the event and now was sitting at some bar down the street, drowning in alcohol. He had broken all his promises, he had crossed all his lines. He had completely lost it. 

 

He has turned off his phone because his phone was buzzing with calls and Texts from Niall, asking where he was and what he is doing. Zayn wants to throw it away because why can’t the boy fucking see Zayn is trying to save him, trying to spare him the pain. So eventually he just shuts it off and he drowns another drink.

 

He sees that the britt awards are being played live in the small old TV in the old shaggy bar. He looks as he hears someone announce Destination for an award, that’s what, makes him focus on the Tv and it breaks his heart to see Niall there without that smile.

 

He looks like he has been crying, clearly from not seeing Zayn anywhere. Zayn knows the boy wanted him to be there, but the thing is Niall makes bad choice, the things Niall want are not the things which he deserves, Zayn is not what Niall should want, Zayn is not what Niall deserves.

 

So Zayn drinks, more and more as Harry and Louis says some thank you speech, Niall’s eyes holding so much pain as he refuses to look at the cameras, he is forced to wear a fake smile which has no meaning.

 

“Wow, the blonde one is fit. I think id shag him. Hot don’t you think?” someone says from his side and Zayn finds his blood boiling because no matter who Niall deserves no one can talk about him so vulgarly.

 

The men behind him don’t stop their banter clearly not seeing Zayn or not knowing who he is, and every time a vulgar word leaves their mouth Zayn drowns another drink to calm himself.

“He’d be tight, that boy. A good fuck” and at that Zayn snaps and the next second he is on top of the other guy punching him to the ground as everyone looks at them in horror  
.

“WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOU BASTARTD” he screams as he throws punch after punch and the drunken man is quick to defend himself.

 

The atmosphere gets even worse as the man’s friends joins him and tries to get back at Zayn, He is quickly outnumbered as he breaks one more promise. And with time he loses his consciousness too, but the last thing he sees before being knocked out is Niall’s face and the words he doesn’t deserve him.

 

He just don’t…

 

Zayn don’t remember much, apparently someone had called the cops and he had to wait in the hospital for a few hours, he has a few scars in his face and his hand was bleeding a bit badly. The cops didn’t do much because Zayn was the one who got hurt this time and he was able to bail himself out.

 

There are paparazzi everywhere, of course the whole world heard about his slip up again. He wonders what Niall thinks, he still hasn’t turned on his phone and refuses to call the Blonde, he is somehow escorted out and into a taxi with the help of a few of the security guards in the hospital.

 

Zayn turns on his phone in the taxi after giving his address to the man, he quickly ignores all the missed call and text more than half of them from Niall. He logs on to twitter and it’s the same thing everywhere. What is Niall doing with Zayn?, he deserves better and Zayn is holding him back.

 

Eventually he throws his phone away into the cold street to get a worried stare from the driver, the driver seems happy that he finally dropped off Zayn and don’t have to suffer him anymore, Zayn wonders why can’t Niall be more like that, Why can’t Niall be happy leaving him because even a Taxi driver can, then Why can’t Niall?.

 

He drunkenly walks into his apartment and stumbles a few times before he finally gets the right key and opens the door, he has a bottle in his hand which he had picked up on his way and its already half finished. Niall shoes are already in there so he supposes the boy had already went to bed, Niall slowly walks into the living room deciding to sleep on the couch not wanting to wake the blonde up.

 

He had almost completed his bottle when he hears the frail voice of his lover, Zayn is taken back by the pain in it and he loses his grip on the bottle and it falls into the white tiles to be shattered into a million glass pieces.

 

He is so much like that bottle, Zayn thinks, one fall and that’s all it takes for him to shatter, it is Niall, Niall that is keeping him together making sure there is a firm grip, making sure there is always a sponge bed for him to fall on. But that’s not fair because there is only so much time Niall can hold on to him, he has to let him go …

 

“Zee?” he asks again just as Zayn bends down to pick up the broken pieces.

 

Niall is quickly by his side helping him pick up the pieces, Zayn notices he is still wearing the same suit he won for the event and he hadn’t changed, which means the boy was waiting up for him once again, waiting for Zayn to get home. Zayn feels like one of the glass pieces hits his heart at the thought, Niall is perfect. What is he doing here with him?

 

“No, Niall, I can do it by myself” Zayn refuses to let the boy pick him again.

 

“No, its fine babe, I got this, you go take a shower and change, I’ll meet you in bed okay” His voice is soft and kind, its barely audible and the blonde boy even manages a small smile which don’t reach his eyes.

 

Zayn knows Niall knows, Niall knows Zayn has been drinking, he knows he had got in another fight again he knows everything and he is still here, pretending everything is fine and everything will be okay and that is fucking not fair.

 

“NO-NO NIALL. STOP IT, I DROPED IT I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF” Zayn yells out all of a sodden breaking the silence, making the smaller boy flinch slightly.

 

“Zayn baby-“Niall tries again, his hand leaving the broken pieces to touch Zayn’s face but before the blonde can touch his face Zayn moves away.

 

“NO-NO, No Niall, you can’t keep doing this. I let you down again, You just can’t stop picking up my mistakes Niall. LEAVE, JUST LEAVE” he screams now tears pouring down.

 

“Zayn, Baby listen to-“

 

“No, you listen to me Niall. You were wrong I can’t change, I never will, my life is to die as an alcoholic there is no other future for me, stop trailing behind me, Leave, Niall leave already because this is fucking stupid, this is useless”

 

“No, Zayn-“ now Niall is in tears too, but this time Zayn is having none of it. He grabs the boy by his wrist harshly as he stands up with him, yanking Niall with him.

 

“Zayn what are you doing?. Babe, Zayn-“ he doesn’t listen to what Niall is saying just Drags the boy to the door and pushes him out and into the lonely corridor of their apartment.

 

“Leave, Niall. Please Leave. I don’t deserve you, I can’t let you ruin your life for me, I can’t let you hand over yourself to a alcohol addict who can’t change, I am not your future, I am not what you think I am, I can’t give you what you deserve, there are so many opportunities a head of you , I won’t stop you from chasing after them JUST FUCKING LEAVE” he is full on crying now and Niall is just as worse as him, his own tears cascading down from his blue orbs.

 

“Zayn, please Baby-“ but he don’t let him finish he shuts the door on the boys face, the door producing a harsh cold sound before Zayn’s breaks down crying as he leans on the door trying to hold it in, trying not to give in to Niall. He knows he needs to do this, for Niall’s own sake because he loves the boy too much and he won’t let him ruin it all of a junkie like him, Zayn’s worthless and useless and its time Niall leave.

 

“Zayn, NO-NO I love you, we will make it through this remember” Niall says from the other side of the door, knocking desperately for Zayn to open and let him. He leans in as hard as he can.

 

“There is no more We, Ni, just leave. I can’t do this anymore, leave Niall. JUST FUCKING LEAVE” Zayn says, he tries to keep the tears in, try to sound strong so he can convince Niall, but his tears break through and his voice crack as he speaks. 

 

“I LOVE YOU, YOU ASSJHOLE. I CANT JUST LEAVE” Niall yells back, his own tears pouring down as Niall finally falls to the ground as his legs fails him.

 

“No, you don’t you shouldn’t. I have cheated on you, I have hurt you, I have held you back, I have yelled at you, I have used you as my punching bag, I have ruined your future and dreams how come you still love me, How come you still be here?”

 

Niall can hear Zayn’s broken sobs and that is what makes Niall cry, it is what breaking him down. He just can’t see Zayn in tears.

 

“Zayn, you can kill everyone in the world and I’d still be in love with you baby, please. Let me in” Niall begs him. Both the boys have fallen down to the cold floor and are leaning on the door as they speak in the middle of broken sobs and falling tears.

 

“Why?, Why are you doing this to yourself Niall, you know better. I am just an alcohols addict who is digging my own grave day by day, there is no more future for me, no more hope for me. Leave me Niall, my parents left, Fans left, Friends left and you have to too. Leave me, please” Zayn begs. He has completely broken down by now and doesn’t try to be strong because he can’t convince himself to convince Niall.

 

“Yes, I know better and I know I’ll never find a guy who I love as much as I love you, I’ll never find a guy who loves me as much as you love me. You are my addiction Zayn, I can’t live without you, you are all I want, you are all I want I don’t care about what they say, I love you. Open the door babe, please open the door” he keeps begging with the shaky sobs. 

 

“I let you down, I KEEP LETTING YOU DOWN” he screams as he hits the door.

 

“No, You never let me down you never will be able to. This is what I want, a life with you, all of you. I promise Zee, I love you for all you are, all your imperfections and faults and claws included, ill only love you”

 

None of them says anything for a long while and it’s a painful long silence holding emotions and pain to a huge extend. Both the boys breaking from each ends of the wooden door separating them, both aching for each other, dying for each other.

 

“I love you Zayn, I always will” Niall keeps crying out and that is piercing Zayn’s heart because he can’t let Niall In, he can’t let Niall ruin his own life anymore, he keeps disappointing Niall.

 

“You have to leave, you will meet someone better, someone who can choose you over everything, someone who will take care of you, someone who will love you the way you deserved to be, you’ll be okay Niall, you have to leave” By now Zayn has managed to suppress the tears he knows he have to be strong.

 

“NO-NO-NO I don’t want anyone else, why can’t you get that, I love you Zayn, only you. I can’t leave , I won’t.” The boy sobs back

 

“I am not letting you in Ni, leave, go to Harry’s, Liam’s, they are all waiting for you with arms wide open, Leave”

 

“No, I am not leaving this door until you open, no matter how long it takes, no matter how cold it gets, no matter how much I starve, I love you and you are all ill ever need, I am not leaving”

 

“Niall-“this time Niall don’t even let Zayn start.

 

“No, you listen. I believe in you, I know what you can and cannot do, and believe me when I say I believe we can get through this, not you, we, we can get through this. It’s never going to be you alone, it us against the world remember, remember when we made that promise. Yes you are an alcoholic, a cheater, you have hurt me, you have burnt me but none of it wills ever hurt me not even a bit close to the thought of you leaving me. I don’t know how long it takes and how hard I have to try to convince you, but I am not like your senseless parents who don’t know the amazing son they have, I am not your dumb friends who used you, I am not your useless fans who don’t know the real you, I am your Niall and you are my Zayn, and I am not going to leave, I am never going to leave”

 

Another few torturously silent minute’s passes by, only the voice of Niall’s breaking sob which are audible as both the boy leans towards the wooden door which separates them. Niall thinks he has been here for an eternity when he hears the small sound the door being unlocked.

 

He is quick to get on his feet and the next second he is in a bone crushing hug and Zayn is kissing him feverishly, holding on to the last hint of hope he had. Niall kisses back just as desperately giving Zayn all he has, bringing his words to life. Loving Zayn, breathing in Zayn, because this is the guy he is in love with, no one else.

 

Hours passes by and they are tangled together in their bed, still refusing to let go of each other and slowly kissing as a reassurance to each other.

 

“Save me Niall, save me from myself. Please” his voice is faint fragile and Niall thinks he hasn’t heard this voice in ages.

 

“I will babe, I will this time it will be different. We’ll run away, I don’t care about the band or what they think, I don’t want anything to do with them, it’s you Zee, all I want is you. Let’s run away, run away with me” Niall asks, his eyes focused on Zayns.

 

“I can’t tear that down Ni, its your dream” Zayn whispers back.

 

“No Zayn, you are my dream, you are my only dream now babe. Just come on, let’s try again , we can make it, I know we can make it. You know why, because I know you love me just as much as I love you. Lets run away Zayn you and me”

 

And the moment Zayn doesn’t think the blonde is being serious, Zayn just nods and kisses the boy before asking him to sing for him once again and drifts to sweet, peaceful sleep in which he dreams of loving and treating Niall the way he deserves to be.

 

Its later that night, when Zayn wakes up to see Niall furiously packing their bags he realize Niall was serious, but none the less Zayn does not say anything, he just gets up and silently helps the boy pack with a genuine smile for the very first time. And at that second he knows this time it is going to be different, not for a week, not for a few months, for life, because he loves Niall and Niall loves him.

 

Zayn doesn’t remember the time he met Niall, nor does he completely remember the time he fell for the boy, he don’t know where he lost his way and stumbled upon his deadly addictions, he don’t know why Niall still sticks with him, He don’t know why god blessed him with a boy willing to give up everything for him, he don’t know any of those things..

 

But the very moment they get in a taxi already booking a flight to some small unknown town in Ireland, the moment Where Zayn’s hands are secured in Niall’s, the moment in which he looks into Niall deep shy blue eyes, he is determined to remember this, because he know this will be the moment he chose to change, the moment he did change.

 

Not because of what the alcohol could do to him, not because of other judging him, For his love, For Niall..

 

His Niall who will always be there to pick him with arms wide open and a hear full of love…

 

............

 

When I'm down and I'm done,  
And I'm coming unplugged  
When I'm ready to fall  
You're the one always holding me up  
With love

 

...........

**Author's Note:**

> (Spoiler) In the movie, the guy dies in the end (I almost died watching that part). I didn’t have the heart to kill Zayn, so you guys should thank me..
> 
> Once again I am sorry if it sucks, I don’t really have an excuse this time..
> 
> Give me feedback..


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